I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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