i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
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At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
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No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.