i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
babies were throwing up all over the place
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.