I wish life had little blips of pornography
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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