you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall