plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
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I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around