a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
