The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
