I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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