I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize