I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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