like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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