Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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