Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
