just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
