Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
