May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
