Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
