omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
