tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
