After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
