So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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