Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
