We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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