I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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