we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
