Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I can't turn off my feet"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
