I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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