He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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