After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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