remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
