Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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