On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
