no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
