Whoa Z and x make the same sound
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
