the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Randomize
