Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
