dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
