she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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