I am puke
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
