My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
How's work?
Spinning.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
