Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
