upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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