Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
