I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
