Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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