Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
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We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
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Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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