please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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