She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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