now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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