Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize