I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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