I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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