I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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