These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
