are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Randomize
