whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
