he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
