I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
