well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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