That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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