I must be too annoying 4 u.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
