How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
