eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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