I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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