rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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