I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
