Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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