I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
