can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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