He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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