went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
