How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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