Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
