Pappa wants mamma naked
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
