D3 body, D1 cock
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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