It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
